Your nan's Tuesday Club has a bet running. Each outing, one of them dares you to find her in a crowd, from a description and a voicemail, and goose her the moment she turns her back. Get the wrong granny and it's a handbag round the ear, a life gone, and a room full of pensioners with opinions.
Best on a desktop with a mouse and the sound up. Works on a phone too, if you turn it sideways and lower your expectations.
Voices. Sound on, love.
💬 Face on, tap to chat. She answers. Her voice, her accent, what she bangs on about, all clues. You get at least one chat per granny in the room, so you can ask everyone if you've the nerve.
✌️ Back turned, tap to goose. They turn round when they wander off, when they've had enough of you, when the instructor shouts, and when they spin on the dance floor. Your hand is the cursor. It wiggles when a goose is on.
Right granny and she cackles, you win, the room applauds. Wrong granny and it's a handbag, a life gone, and somebody nearby with something to say about it.
Seven venues, each worse than the last. More grannies, more lookalikes, worse lighting, a swimming pool, and finally a room where everybody's wearing the same frock and only the voice will save you.
Seven grannies. Seven venues. One handbag-shaped bruise and a lifetime ban from a casino in Blackpool.
Signed, Nana Joyce, Ethel, Bunica Florica, Pat (and Bev, under protest), Doreen, Sylvia, Beryl, and Terry, under heavier protest.
On a phone, turn it sideways. Or don't, and squint. The grannies are wider than they are tall, like the rest of us.